After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
