she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
