I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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