Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
