can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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