she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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