my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
