Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
