He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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