can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
