I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You should frame my arrest warrant.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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