I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
