I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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