You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
