i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
