first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
