Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
