the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
