i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
