I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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