I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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