Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
