so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
