I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
