I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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