guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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