Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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