you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
soo... how was my night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
