Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
