he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
