Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
be right there i have to get my cape
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My bed smells like the plague
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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