I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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