Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still dying that you shit outside
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
