How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
