Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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