the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
