420 ftw
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
