im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
