When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
