I think I just saw someone hide a body.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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