last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
