Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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