Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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