Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
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possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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