Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This baby is an asshole
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
