she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
