Plan B is the new Plan A
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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