While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
