I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
