you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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