That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
