I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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