just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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