Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
