I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
