Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
