i need an iv and a liver transplant
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
