I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
