dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
