there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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