She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
