just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
