I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
