Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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