You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
