Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
