I wish i was in the wii world.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
