I think I just saw someone hide a body.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
