If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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