We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
