remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
