she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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